Morning funny

[SEVEN]

OK, so its not a meme, but...


While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.

Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful women who asked, "Are you okay?"

As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low cut blouse with cleavage to die for...

"I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.

She said, “Get in and I’ll take you home so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head.”

"That's nice of you," I answered, but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!

"Oh, come now, I’m a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."

Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."

We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."

"Don't be silly!" she said with a smile, while unbuttoning her blouse exposing the most beautiful set of boobs I’ve ever seen. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"

"Still in the ditch with my bike I guess."

That’s horrible but I love it. Keep them coming

 

[SEVEN]

Anyone who's ever worked in sales can. (Helps to know what's on the customer's desk.)

I’ve been in sales all my life I guess that’s why I can do it so easily.

 

[racclarkson@gmail.com]

After 39 pages, hard to know this is a repeat or not. either way, I kinda like it and, after all, she's Rusty's Congressma..woma...person.

Suddenly, a cow runs out into the road and a Limo driving late at night hits it head on and the car comes to a stop.The woman in the back seat - in her usual abrasive manner, says to the chauffeur "You get out and check on that poor cow--you were driving."

So the chauffeur gets out, checks, and reports that the animal is dead but it appeared to be very old.

Well, says the woman, "You were driving, so you go and tell the farmer in that lighted farmhouse over there"

Two hours later the chauffeur returns totally inebriated, a full belly, is hair ruffled, with a big grin on his face.

"My God, What Happened to You?" asks the woman. The chauffeur replies, "When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of single malt scotch, the wife gave me a meal fit for a king, and the beautiful daughter made love to me."

"What on earth did you say?" asks the woman. Well, I just knocked on the door..........and when it opened I said to them, "I'm Nancy Pelosi's chauffeur, and I've just killed the old cow."

 

[SEVEN]

After 39 pages, hard to know this is a repeat or not. either way, I kinda like it and, after all, she's Rusty's Congressma..woma...person.

Suddenly, a cow runs out into the road and a Limo driving late at night hits it head on and the car comes to a stop.The woman in the back seat - in her usual abrasive manner, says to the chauffeur "You get out and check on that poor cow--you were driving."

So the chauffeur gets out, checks, and reports that the animal is dead but it appeared to be very old.

Well, says the woman, "You were driving, so you go and tell the farmer in that lighted farmhouse over there"

Two hours later the chauffeur returns totally inebriated, a full belly, is hair ruffled, with a big grin on his face.

"My God, What Happened to You?" asks the woman. The chauffeur replies, "When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of single malt scotch, the wife gave me a meal fit for a king, and the beautiful daughter made love to me."

"What on earth did you say?" asks the woman. Well, I just knocked on the door..........and when it opened I said to them, "I'm Nancy Pelosi's chauffeur, and I've just killed the old cow."

Don’t be sorry Robert I love it. She is an idiot.

 

[SEVEN]

Since we’re telling stories, I’d like to tell you the true rendition of the LLerena Bobbitt story.

The story that most of you have heard was LLerena came home to find her husband cheating on her with another woman, that part is true. She was outraged and embarrassed. Later that night after Mr. Bobitt fell asleep LLerena grabbed a razor knife and slipped into the bedroom and surgically removed 3 inches of his pecker. With it in her hand she ran from their apartment and drove onto the freeway crying her eyes out. After a few moments she looked in her hand and realized the damage she had done. She then rolled down the window and with a big swing of her arm tossed it into oncoming traffic. Just at that time coming in the opposite direction was Ma and Pa Kettel. BANG the damn thing hit there windshield and bounced into the field. Ma jumps back and asks Pa, what kind of bug do you think that was? Pa replies I’m not sure but did you see the size of the dick on it. True story. LOL

 

[racclarkson@gmail.com]

Weather forecast in the Rockies: Colder tonight and a Bobbitt by morning. (4” on the ground)

 

[SEVEN]

They forgot to mention all the fun

 

[SEVEN]

I never listen either.

 

[SEVEN]

I always wake up that way. By noon I’m worse.

 

[SEVEN]

Snake in sheeps clothing

 

[SEVEN]

Some times it’s just too much.

 

[SEVEN]

I knew there had to be a reason for the shrinkage

 

[SEVEN]

Learn to talk not dance

 

[SEVEN]

Shocking

 

[SEVEN]

Headed to the gym anyone?

 

[SEVEN]

I hate watching, thinking of quitting.

 

[SEVEN]

Is anyone missing any fenders? I found them.

 

[Boatsb]

Student captain?

 

[SEVEN]

I grew up on the left.

 

[SEVEN]

I’m sure you wouldn’t slip in the shower if this was installed