Middle Aged Crazy Hatt ?

[Freebird]

Not for nothing, but there is a HATTERAS Motorsailer - yes a Hatteras Blow Boat - FOR SALE, right now, on YachtWorld.com. (They made 3, I think.)

So, Randy... you could become a Rag Sailor, and remain a Hatterai ... if you really wanted to.

I think I'll get admitted in FL, and get a Soliciters license in the former Brit Colonies, practice law till they put me in a box, and chase my 30 yr old secretary around the conference room table when I'm 90. (It may not be a long race, but it'll be fun...)

Sounds like you and I are in much the same boat in more ways than one. Believe it or not, I have looked (not in person) at that Hatt motorsailor just so JelloBoy would leave me alone in my dream to own a liveaboard yacht with unlimited range!

I hated to cut your post from my reply, but I feel a book coming on. You and I need to talk my friend. Please hit the email link on my signature so we can do this in private. I believe we may indeed be kindred spirits in many ways. If nothing else, we can cry in each other's virtual beers.

I realize Michelle may very well read this forum as I have invited her to do ever since I began posting on here. I've made the statement before that I will say nothing behind ANYONE'S back I will not say to their face, unless of course it would simply be hurtful to them and serve no other purpose than to cause them pain.

I used this analogy the second time we went to a marriage counselor together. I feel like I went to "Wives R Us" every week-end to check out new models having passed on everything previously viewed only to find at the age of 34 one that seemed to meet most of what I wanted in a wife. I wasn't looking for perfection, so "most" was more than adequate according to what I read on the box she came in. I couldn't take her out of the box, so I had to depend on the description presented.

I bought the new wife with a no exchange, no return policy and took the box home only to find the contents did not quite match the descripton. I couldn't exchange her, and I couldn't return her, and I had already promised to love and live with her for the rest of my life. I take my promises very seriously.

She promised to love and honor me, through sickness and in health, for richer for poorer, til death do us part. I made the same promise to her, but I now feel I am the only one who has kept that promise. Notice I said "I feel". My feelings can change, but she is the one who handles things in that department.

Then, despite the description on the box which clearly stated her desire to have children, she waited 10 years to "get to the point where she thought we were both happy, and she was well enough established in her career where she felt she could slack off long enough for pregnancy." Yes, I use quotations as that is what she revealed in a letter with nothing but numbered bullets after I demanded answers to some of my questions as to why things had or had not happened in our marriage. She seems to think I somehow have twisted her words, but that seems pretty indisputable to me as to why I am going to turn 50 in October while observing my son's 4th birthday on June 19 of this year. I'll spare you the more intimate personal heart shots which were truly bullets in that regard.

That being said, I do not wish to represent Michelle as a bad person, she is far from that. She is beautiful inside and out, but needless to say, we do have different outlooks on life and its priorities, and we definitely have communication problems. I think I communicate pretty well, but she simply cannot or will not give me simply a yes or no answer to very simple basic questions. "Yes, I love you, but...", "Yes, I want our marriage to work, but...", "Yes, I trust you but...", "Yes, I've always said you were more intelligent than I am, but...". I think you get the picture, but...???

Okay boys, I really do appreciate all the input, and I did in fact play my "man card" today and took the advice to "man up" many of you have offered. After spending the most consecutive nights in my home with Michelle and Ryan since I don't know when, and watching Ryan play at the local playground today, I decided I would take control of our situation and chart a new course for our marriage or the demise of it.

We took a nice drive through the countryside and enjoyed some beautiful scenery on a clear brisk east TN day while I enjoyed twisting two lane roads, 400hp, race tuned suspension, and a six speed tranny. I had a very nice and sincere conversation... with myself. Upon growing tired of either sarcasm or no responses to the simplest of questions, I drove us to a park near our home where Ryan likes to play. As we watched Ryan play, I asked her, "Have you ever seen a ship with two Captains?". She answered "no".

I told her to take a good look at Ryan, and then I told her that she was not going to take him away from me. The next time she wanted me out of the house, she would have to take legal action to do it. I told her I have been playing the role she assigned to me as a second class citizen, but no more. If she filed for divorce, I would gladly give her half our marital assets as she has worked her ass off the entire time we've been married and I both recognized and appreciated that indisputable fact.

However, I told her I would fight her to the last penny and drop of blood to keep Ryan with me as much as the court would allow, and this would indeed involve my moving to Florida to chase my dreams. In short, I told her she would in fact be without him for as long as I could possibly keep him away from her. Not to spite her, but to spend all the time I could with my son.

I then told her we would not only continue marriage counseling, we would consult a minister and have him tell us what the Bible says about marriage, and we would follow the command given by our supreme leader.

To end the conversation (literally), I asked her if she trusted me enough to let me be the Captain of our ship. She said she did (I think?). I then told her I was fully aware that a Captain has to be accountable for his crew unless he wants to face a mutiny. With that I asked her "are you willing to take a 3 hour tour little buddy? How about a 30 year tour?". That answer I did not receive. I told her I was not demanding my dream of a liveaboard with her and my son or relocation to some place else, but simply requesting an understanding of how things were going to be if she wanted to keep our family intact.

Alright, now it is truly just a matter of time as to what Michelle decides she wants from a man who took his wedding vows seriously, does not drink to any extreme, does not do drugs nor smoke, has never once raised a hand to her, fathered her child who he loves dearly, but has grown tired of being criticized at every chance, living and working in solitary confinement, lost and spent tons of money and lost much of his memory due to a recent illness which is likely to re-occur, but still loves her and wants her, his son, and himself to simply be happy wherever they are.

If she cannot or will not acknowledge me as I am for what I am, I think it is time to move on. I love my son more than life itself, but I do not want him to grow up in an environment where his Mommy and Daddy live in seperate ends of the house only to fight every time they meet in the middle. I want him to have nothing but optimism when it comes time for him to enter into a relationship with someone he loves. Our marital ambiguity needs to end before he gets any older.

In closing, I just want my son to have a better life than his Daddy has had, not that mine has been bad. I simply think any parent worth his or her salt would want nothing but the best for their child. Sometimes it is just hard to figure out what "best" is.

Thanks again for all your input, your well wishes, and your prayers!