Middle Aged Crazy Hatt ?

[Passages]

Gary is right about one thing, there is a balance to be had, but it depends on simply going after a dream as opposed to just quitting work. Some people enjoy working, and they enjoy working at menial jobs most of us would consider as punishment for a crime.

Actually, that's exactly what the study found. It was based on large corporations, date of retirement and time till death. Most us corporate butt kissers work in pretty demanding, high pressure environments. The key, according to the study, is to leave the pressure cooker NLT 55, downshift your life and do something you enjoy - even if it's something others would consider "work".

So that retiree scrubbing boat bottoms or working security will likely be happier and live longer than someone who busted their chops until 65, retired to Florida and spends his days watching Oprah and following his wife around the grocery store.

 

[Freebird]

See, I'm purty smart. BTW ya'll each owe me $50 per hour for the life lessons from a 'birdseye view!

I am so much better at recognizing and fixing other people's problems as opposed to my own.

Of course I would find it easier to shoot somebody else as opposed to suicide, so I guess it all works out about the same.

 

[eclipsarkanna]

Retirement to me doesn't mean Oprah will become a major part of my life (or reading Bird posts 3 or 4 hours a day for that fact! ) but it does mean unchaining myself from a job/profession that I dislike with a passion. Retirement means shifting into a different job - something crazy perhaps to some but not to others. I have flown a desk for over 33 years and now I just want to be outside, live on a boat, meet normal people (not the yes sir, no sir folks) and enjoy a bit of life the way I want to enjoy. I for one have every intention of "working" until the day I drop but the big difference will be - I will work on MY terms, not someone else's terms.

Bill

 

[thoward]

Owning a Hatteras is work

 

[Freebird]

Owning a Hatteras is work

Yeah, but work does a body good.

Bill has the right idea about retirement reasons. Like I said, the safe business has been berry berry good to me, but I am berry berry burned out with it. I too have flown a desk for over 27 years, driven delivery trucks thousands of miles when I wasn't flying the desk, and had to have a life altering experience to take the time to stop and smell the roses.

My advice to anyone of you who will listen, take a minute to stop and smell the roses... even if you have to pluck 'em out of the ground and hold 'em up real high!

BTW Bill, I assume you must be a slow reader if you spend that much time reading my stuff. Otherwise, do I really talk too much? Forget that last question, been there done that too!

 

[CARL GUZMAN]

Send him down and we will spoil him to no end. One condition though, I get to install some cameras and do a reality Liveaboard TV show. I've got $50 that says she pushes you overboard in the first episode....

ROFLOL Man I missed all the fun today I had to work out of the office very hot very hard...
Garyd send me some life water from your area if everyone is living that long
The water down here glowes after dark from BIG SUGAR bass-terds dumping in lake-O and the Ever-glo-glades..

2ft or less tommarow south of the cold front 18 hour window to go King fishing , I'll keep you posted on results........

 

[ThirdHatt]

My advice to anyone of you who will listen, take a minute to stop and smell the roses... even if you have to pluck 'em out of the ground and hold 'em up real high!
QUOTE]

I agree! As noted on another thread recently, sometimes you have to slow down from 25MPH to actually smell the roses!!!

 

[hcalmar]

Randy
I do not type so I am not as articulate on the keyboard or wordy as I would like to be, but I have been there. 48, three kids 13,10,9, a 37C Hatt we bought months before I switched careers as a sucessful ( big fish small pond lawyer) and took a 20% pay cut for a public service job with "stature", suffer from depression especially in the winter,and aspire to the goals Eventide describes.We seperated completely many years ago before kids and came back stronger than ever.
If the two of you love each other and I trust you do, you need to make this covenant and have this discussion as I did.

There are certain things you want me to change (list) and I will change them.
There are certain things you want me to change (list) I will try but they may not change and you need to understand that.
There are certain things you want me to change(list if you can) that will not change and you need to accept it.

She will accept this because it removes uncertainty and allows for a future which is what wives and most particuarly mothers need.

God bless

 

[nyrussell]

Hal,

we kinda sorts did that too... LOL... also took a career change. chef to broker still awaiting the utcome of that... only difference, 7 days before my second right rotator cuff surgery, our daughter (cutest girl and prettiest in the world (yada yada) (Says I!!!) turns 4 months talk about twisted roads


LOL. BTW we will be in Molford 7/30/2007 is that close?


Noel

 

[Mike53C]

By the way, all you guys are mere young puppies and have a lifetime in years ahead of you. I seem to be the "old guy" at 59.

Bill

Don't flatter yourself Bill...I am 66.
66 years young they say....Oh yeah
Miguel

 

[Mike53C]

Randy, I have been trying to write something helpful since Thursday. Even if you kindly think that "I talk purty good for a furriner!", believe me, I have to sweat every word out of my brain to sound more or less coherent. Since I am in the middle of labor contract discussions with the union I have been up to my nose with problems so any time I had the chance to peek at the thread, somebody had expressed himself FAAAAAR better that what I intended to say.
For instance Eventide wrote a fantastic note. Boy, I wish I could express myself like this. So based on his advice I will add some of my feelings…
“You have to MAN UP”
….yes…both of you have to.
“You will never get another chance at this. Ever”
…..I would say it is sort of a second chance…for both of you.
“Do you want to take a chance on him being diminished because you had to live on a boat where the sun shines? You can't be that selfish. Are you going to hurt your only son because his mother won't follow you into the sun?”
…..without any intention of rising fires here…what if in the future your son feels hurt at his mother BECAUSE she didn’t follow you to the sun. And I don’t mean now, when he is to young to understand…I mean later, after he has gone thru school and a couple of jobs and all of a sudden reaches HIS age crisis
“Being a good PARENT is the very definition of unselfishness. Being there for your son and loving him every day, guiding him into becoming a fine human being is truly the highest calling you could have on this earth. It is now your life's mission. You can not take the coward's way, you can not leave, you can not fail”
…..I would say, meaning you both

So yes…if both of you make the wrong choice you may find yourselves kicking your souls into damnation all the way to your graves

Then, this morning, before the fun began I decided to give it a try again and then I read what Hal wrote

If the two of you love each other and I trust you do, you need to make this covenant and have this discussion as I did.

There are certain things you want me to change (list) and I will change them.
There are certain things you want me to change (list) I will try but they may not change and you need to understand that.
There are certain things you want me to change(list if you can) that will not change and you need to accept it.

She will accept this because it removes uncertainty and allows for a future which is what wives and most particuarly mothers need.

God bless
__________________
Hal
Stonington,CT
ARETE 37C

Way to go!,….but again I would say you both must do the list.
And both of you must say yes to whatever agreement is reached with absolute convincement.

I would think that both of you are on the verge of a loose-loose situation.
Loose if I go ahead with my dream, loose if I stay and loosing my dream kills me. And the dream here is not only Hatt and sunshine...
I guess, wrongly maybe, there is also a "nice job" dream, a "feet planted in solid ground" dream, a "boat is not a suitable place for a kid to grow" dream.

Commitements reached or dreams compromised without full, let’s say brain AND heart convincement, have the strong risk of becoming such a heavy burden than in the end, you end up “kicking your souls into damnation all the way to your graves” for a different reason…
…and I mean both of you.

I am 66, so I am your senior,….
….but then again, I have never gone thru an age crisis,…or job crisis….my wife quit her job at PanAm when we were married, 40 years ago next September and I only have to rise my finger and ask, Boat anyone?….

YEAHHH..!!!!!!….

…..that comes from my wife, my sons, their wives and even thou she doesn’t talk yet, from my grandaughter, so I am probably the last guy in the line with the knowledge to say anything.

Anyway…best wishes…..
….to both of you.

Miguel

 

[Freebird]

Randy
I do not type so I am not as articulate on the keyboard or wordy as I would like to be, but I have been there. 48, three kids 13,10,9, a 37C Hatt we bought months before I switched careers as a sucessful ( big fish small pond lawyer) and took a 20% pay cut for a public service job with "stature", suffer from depression especially in the winter,and aspire to the goals Eventide describes.We seperated completely many years ago before kids and came back stronger than ever.
If the two of you love each other and I trust you do, you need to make this covenant and have this discussion as I did.

There are certain things you want me to change (list) and I will change them.
There are certain things you want me to change (list) I will try but they may not change and you need to understand that.
There are certain things you want me to change(list if you can) that will not change and you need to accept it.

She will accept this because it removes uncertainty and allows for a future which is what wives and most particuarly mothers need.

God bless

Hal, being educated and articulate has nothing to do with conveying a thought. How many CO's in the army have to have NCO's tell them what the hell to do in certain situations?

I am not as well educated as most members of this forum, but I have learned much from others who are and even more from life itself. I would absolutely LOVE to get Michelle to make such a list as I have suggested the same thing, over and over again. She simply refuses to just sit down and put her feelings on paper. This despite the fact she has an MBA and is a Six Sigma Blackbelt with an international company.

She analyzes existing processes and procedures and implements changes to make them more efficient. I deal with problems on a daily basis where I have to make sure my customers are kept happy. In short, we are both very good at what we do professionally. I have suggested she treat me as a PIP (work project) and I will treat her as a dissatisfied customer who I want to keep happy.

Bottom line is, she simply seems to concentrate on complaining about problems past and present rather than simply finding ways to solve them. I have told her nobody can change the past, I can't change what I just wrote once I press the reply button. We use the past as lessons learned and we figure out a way to keep from having history repeat itself. Am I missing something with that way of thinking? I think not, but then again, I am mentally defective you know!

Thanks for the input. Oh yeah, you write real well for a big fish in a small pond! I can't believe I have now met another lawyer on the site who talks in a way I can actually understand without having to consult my lawyer!

 

[eclipsarkanna]

Bird (and others on this thread):

I logged on this morning to see a new thread by "moderator" talking generally about how the "rules" have been broken and in particular commenting about the retirement thread (or perhaps this thread?). Hard to tell. Anyway, I wanted to reply to the comments posted by the Moderator (constructive and not necessarily critical comments) but could not find the reply button anywhere - just a "closed thread" button. Funny ground rules to have. Go public with several criticisms but shut down any form of reply. What ever happened to free speech. How does one get the view to Mr. Moderator that this thread or the retirement thread may not have a whole lot to do specifically with Hatteras Yachts but that many, many users of the HOF forum would like the ability to see heavy lifting technical advice, specific Hatt model advice, Live-aboard advice from other Hatt owners and yes, I for one would like to see humour and wit (which many of you with a sharper wit than me bring to the many threads) coming from Hatt people. The Hatt Forum feels like a "home" for those who are lucky enough to be current Hatt owners and for those of us like me that are close but not yet a Hatt owner. Yes there needs to be a certain level of "rules" so that Sam's Marine does not lose any goodwill in its business by sponsoring this site, but it is beyond me why there has to be a rule that someone logged on to the retirement thread or the Middle Aged Crazy thread can't speak out on what it means to them to be "Middle Aged Crazy". Give be a break here Mr. Moderator. I didn't want to start a new thread on this topic because I don't think beating up on someone just doing their job of moderating (and not likely getting paid) deserves such nonsense - but in the same breath, there has to be a certain degree of freedom of expression on this site and to me, when I log on to the "Retirement" thread or the "Middle Aged Crazy" thread, I fully expect to see almost anything BUT hard core Hatteras discussion - I DO expect to hear a wide range of thoughts, advice, criticisms and varying points of view on life, marriage, jobs or whatever. So Mr. Moderator, I hope you are reading this. Lastly, PMs and private email is NOT the way to go. PMs and private email is for the very specific "one on one" matters that would not benefit the greater numbers or for confidentiality reasons, should not be on a public forum. Too bad you closed your thread to those of us that wanted to address your posting. Maybe I am on a Forum that is being controlled by a few Moderators and I have broken some cardinal rule by speaking out, or even worse, speaking out on a wrong thread. For that I apologize but I do not apologize for speaking my mind.

Bill

 

[Freebird]

Miguel,

Just a quick note of thanks as I just lost a response I was typing with maybe two words to go when Michelle needed to see today's weather forecast. Maybe she thought she could change that too!

Being both a considerate husband and a computer nerd, I switched to a weather site and lost the response I was making to you. I sure am glad to know that the weather forecast seems to match what I'm seeing out of my window this morning, not a could in the sky, nothing but blue and no wind whatsoever!

Maybe PMs would be better for this, but it would appear others are benefitting from my questions about life as much as I am. With that in mind, I will address you publicly later as I think you have hit on some points I would like to address.

Right now Ryan is insisting I go downstairs and play trains with him, and Michelle left if a puff after viewing the weather and hearing me ask how to retrieve my long lost words of confusion tempered with wisdom.

I will talk to you later ole' buddy!

 

[Freebird]

Bird (and others on this thread):

I logged on this morning to see a new thread by "moderator" talking generally about how the "rules" have been broken and in particular commenting about the retirement thread (or perhaps this thread?). Hard to tell. Anyway, I wanted to reply to the comments posted by the Moderator (constructive and not necessarily critical comments) but could not find the reply button anywhere - just a "closed thread" button. Funny ground rules to have. Go public with several criticisms but shut down any form of reply. What ever happened to free speech. How does one get the view to Mr. Moderator that this thread or the retirement thread may not have a whole lot to do specifically with Hatteras Yachts but that many, many users of the HOF forum would like the ability to see heavy lifting technical advice, specific Hatt model advice, Live-aboard advice from other Hatt owners and yes, I for one would like to see humour and wit (which many of you with a sharper wit than me bring to the many threads) coming from Hatt people. The Hatt Forum feels like a "home" for those who are lucky enough to be current Hatt owners and for those of us like me that are close but not yet a Hatt owner. Yes there needs to be a certain level of "rules" so that Sam's Marine does not lose any goodwill in its business by sponsoring this site, but it is beyond me why there has to be a rule that someone logged on to the retirement thread or the Middle Aged Crazy thread can't speak out on what it means to them to be "Middle Aged Crazy". Give be a break here Mr. Moderator. I didn't want to start a new thread on this topic because I don't think beating up on someone just doing their job of moderating (and not likely getting paid) deserves such nonsense - but in the same breath, there has to be a certain degree of freedom of expression on this site and to me, when I log on to the "Retirement" thread or the "Middle Aged Crazy" thread, I fully expect to see almost anything BUT hard core Hatteras discussion - I DO expect to hear a wide range of thoughts, advice, criticisms and varying points of view on life, marriage, jobs or whatever. So Mr. Moderator, I hope you are reading this. Lastly, PMs and private email is NOT the way to go. PMs and private email is for the very specific "one on one" matters that would not benefit the greater numbers or for confidentiality reasons, should not be on a public forum. Too bad you closed your thread to those of us that wanted to address your posting. Maybe I am on a Forum that is being controlled by a few Moderators and I have broken some cardinal rule by speaking out, or even worse, speaking out on a wrong thread. For that I apologize but I do not apologize for speaking my mind.

Bill

There was nothing left to add to this post IMHO, but I think I will keep hitting the quote button every couple of posts from here on out on this thread just to keep it alive. Well done new guy, well done. Maybe we just needed a good attorney on this forum all along.

Okay Doug and mods, I nominate Bill for legal counsel for this forum and would suggest his title as registered member be replaced with the appropriate title for said position. Does anyone else want to second that motion?

 

[eclipsarkanna]

Birdman:

Maybe I should be putting my ranting and raving about brokers on this thread and everyone can just attribute my ranting as a buyer to 'old age crazy'. You think?

 

[Freebird]

Birdman:

Maybe I should be putting my ranting and raving about brokers on this thread and everyone can just attribute my ranting as a buyer to 'old age crazy'. You think?

Lawman,

You may just have a point. My 3 year old is giving advice that should be helpful to all of us. I'll share later.

 

[Paul45c]

Anybody got a good used 75hp diesel outboard for sale? Anybody have a big sail for sale? Could be the makings of a redneck motorsailor! Hey Paul, what do you think?

STOP THINKING ABOUT THE !@"#$& BLOWBOATS!!

But, at least you finally gave me something to write about -- you're definitely getting your "man card" pulled next time I see you. I'll also have one of the members with a stronger stomach than mine check to see if you're wearing pink panties!

OK, ok, no one can every accuse of you being afraid to take a risk, BIRDbutt, and you DO appear to be properly appreciative of these fine members who have gone out of their way consoling you...I'll tell you again, good luck with the fam situation. Really. Now, can we PULEEZE get back to the usual good times on "the 'Bar?!"

 

[Buccaneer]

...Anybody have a big sail for sale? Could be the makings of a redneck motorsailor! ...

Not for nothing, but there is a HATTERAS Motorsailer - yes a Hatteras Blow Boat - FOR SALE, right now, on YachtWorld.com. (They made 3, I think.)

So, Randy... you could become a Rag Sailor, and remain a Hatterai ... if you really wanted to.


Now, to get this thread back on track:
What about the marriage where the kids are hers, and she has turned out to be WAY (a story not even fit for PM) not the wife you expected her to be. You're now miserable. You've finally been able to buy that Boat; a dream she does not share in any way. You love one of her kids, the other tolerates you (and vice versa). (Hey, it happens.) Add to the mix the regular ups and downs of business (yours) that she either doesn't comprehend or choose to, so the spending just keeps on going -- (like Oleg Casini sweaters for the 16 yr old boy - who just throws it under the bed, along with the 14 (yes, 14!) pair of Nike shoes she bought him - just becasue).

So, now, I'm (oh, was this about me?) tired. Just plain tired. And I want out.

Then I think about the kids. The one kid, really (12 yr - girl). The one that's not mine. The one that will not (?) really (?) understand what the frack just happened - again - in her world. (Did I mention I'm the 3rd husband?) (Like I said, "WAY.")

Gut it out? Man it out? Be miserable?
There's only one life. This one. No "do-overs."

I think you need to do what's best for YOU. Becasue if you're not "well" then you're useless in all respects for the kid(s). I don't think children are stupid. And I think, if you care, they know it. You don't need to sacrafice your life "for them." You live your life, and show by example. There is "Self-Worth" and there is "Selfish." Sometimes the edge between them is VERY slim.

I pick taking care of myself first. Then the "family." Then work. Becasue if I'm useless, I'm no good to the family. And if the family is "hurt" I'm no good at work. And if work is no good, there's no way to pay for me or the family. A delicate balancing act. Yes?

Oh, and the Boat. Sure, it's an expensive toy. It's also a reward. And my blood pressure drops 10pts every time I step aboard - even if its to rip out a windlass and clean out the heads. Let's see, 1 week of life for each month working (what was that stastistic?)

I think I'll get admitted in FL, and get a Soliciters license in the former Brit Colonies, practice law till they put me in a box, and chase my 30 yr old secretary around the conference room table when I'm 90. (It may not be a long race, but it'll be fun...)

 

[Freebird]

STOP THINKING ABOUT THE !@"#$& BLOWBOATS!!

But, at least you finally gave me something to write about -- you're definitely getting your "man card" pulled next time I see you. I'll also have one of the members with a stronger stomach than mine check to see if you're wearing pink panties!

OK, ok, no one can every accuse of you being afraid to take a risk, BIRDbutt, and you DO appear to be properly appreciative of these fine members who have gone out of their way consoling you...I'll tell you again, good luck with the fam situation. Really. Now, can we PULEEZE get back to the usual good times on "the 'Bar?!"

Now wait a minute JB, for your information Darlene pulled my man card last time I was at your house and she liked my pink panties... once they were on the floor (I was carrying them and she pulled them out of my hands and stomped them on the floor. That little sidetrip was for the mods, not you JB!).

Alright guys, I made mention of the fact my 3 year old seems to have the answer to all of the world's problems including mine. You want to see how things should be between all us adults, load up a 3 year old and take him to play with other 3 year olds like Michelle and I did with Ryan today.

They don't care if you take them to the park in a hot rod Cadillac or a beat up pick up as long as they get to go to the park.

They don't care if they ride around in a jon boat or a megayacht as long as they get to splash around in the water and maybe ride with Mommy or Daddy in an innertube behind the boat.

They don't care how much money their Mommy and Daddy have as long as both take them to "Old McDonalds" (per Ryan) for a Happy Meal.

They don't care who has the most toys as long as the kid who has them will share at least one with them if they don't have one of their own handy.

Most importantly, they don't keep score, they don't hold grudges, and they don't dwell on the past.

In short, they live for today, forget what happened to them 15 minutes ago, and tomorrow is just another repeat of today as long as the weather holds out.

As I have said many times in my lifetime, we can learn every lesson life has to offer by hanging out with kids, old people, and dogs.

Kids teach us lessons pointed out above.

Old people spend all their lives trying to get ahead, and once they figure most all the answers to life's questions, it's too late to do anything about it because they are too old. But most of them will share their words of wisdom having been there, done that.

Dogs share all of the same attributes as kids and old people, but they just don't care about anything as long as you feed them and pet them.

I think maybe I just need to hang out as much as possible with Ryan, stay away from Michelle until she turns 65, and feed and pet "Dozer" until this thing just simply works itself out.