Middle Aged Crazy Hatt ?

[Freebird]

Alright, let me preface this by saying there is a wealth of knowledge on this forum as it relates to Hatteras yachts and what it took to obtain one. I've got two, for better or worse, so maybe this thread will be okay. If not, I suppose I'll find out soon enough.

Many of you all are from the same background I am in that we all worked our way into being able to own our Hatts. There would appear to be some silver spoon guys on here (nothing wrong with that), but most of us came up the plastic fork and paper plate route. So here is my question.

When did you guys over 40 go crazy or think you were headed down that path? How long did it take to come back, or are you still there? My life has gone through so many drastic changes over the past four years that I am having a hard time distinguishing possible middle aged craziness from just a realization we only go around once, and I am over half way there. The other choice, I really am crazy.

I've lost several loved ones, went through a miscarriage with Michelle, had my first and last child and almost lost him and Michelle due to complications, lost my health along with tons of money, and basically have little memory of a span of about 6-8 months having been diagnosed with refractory depression and going through ECT. I came out of a drug induced coma after over a year this past July when I bought my first Hatteras. My wife of almost 15 years decided she wanted out last December, then she came back last week but we still have a long road ahead. I have a guy interested in buying my business of 25 years, but I don't know what the heck I would do if I sell it. I feel like I need to do something else with my life, but I don't want to do anything stupid that I can't fix. I would love to do something boat related, but I can't do it in TN where my wife has a great career. To top things off, I'll turn 50 in October.

I know many of you have been there, done that, and many have contacted me privately to show me support and offer advice. If this thread serves no other purpose, I want to thank you all for that. Otherwise, if the powers that be will allow me this digression, I would love to hear from more of you. My ego is not one that keeps me from asking questions of those with more experience than I have, and I sincerely hope this is not too far off base.

Truth is, owning a Hatteras yacht has literally changed my life, so I figure that makes this Hatteras related. Now then, tell me what the heck to do either in public, by PM, or use my email link in my signature.

As I've stated before, I think of the members of this forum as family, or I would not spill my guts with all this silliness.

 

[CARL GUZMAN]

Follow my example by having the best year in 2005 then followed by the worst year in 2006 then sell everything to by fuel and toys for your Hatt. and go boating every chance you get . then when you go broke become a charter captain and turn on your red light

RRRRANNNNDY YOU DON'T HAVTA PUT ON YOUR RED LIGHT .....RRRANNNDY YOU DON'T HAVE TO WEAR THAT DRESS TONIGHT DRIVE THAT BOAT FOR MONEY ...YOU DON'T CARE IF IT'S WRONG OR IF IT'S WRIGHT

 

[Freebird]

Thanks BubbAmigo, I appreciate the advice, but you are a relatively young man and do not meet the listed qualification of being over 40.

I know you are closing in on that number as I am closing in on 50. I think I went through my middle aged crazy thing when I turned 40. I bought myself a $90K Mercedes SL, one of the dumbest things I ever bought, and made myself feel a little better for a bit. Then I got to feeling stupid and traded it for a Corvette convertible.

I've quit trying to buy happiness, and I now know that money is not the biggest factor in true happiness or just being content with my life. You will also discover this if you have not already. I think I know you well enough to make that comment.

Thanks again, but talk to me in about 10 years!

 

[Passages]

Dear CrazybirdintheHatt,

Remember what I told you in Miami last week? (Well, maybe you don't )

Now that the Misses is having second thoughts, you can forget most Of what I said, but you AND the wife are going through a mid-life thingie and need a change of scenery. Sell the business & the house, fix the 58 and take it someplace sunny. I hear Panama is nice.

I'm only half kidding. Your current situation ain't working anymore. Take the family on an adventure of a lifetime and sort things out together. Your little guy is the right age (pre-school) so what are you waiting for...

 

[CARL GUZMAN]

At my church there's a couple leaving to Honduras on a mission ...what do you think we can load that boat up with alot of love and help some less fortunate I've always wanted to go on a mission ..I don't want to get too deep here so call me....

 

[Freebird]

Jim ole' buddy, you are reading my mind, but don't let that scare you.

I'm sure few of you will remember me making the statement that my dream would be to take the family and the 58 and move to Grand Cayman and do the liveaboard thing. Michelle and I spent our honeymoon there at the Hyatt Regency with whom she was once employed many years ago in Knoxville, TN. She was actually given the opportunity to relocate to Grand Cayman, but she did not. That was before we met.

She simply does not share in my dream to move to some place such as that in order to lighten out mutual loads and bring Ryan up in a way that will make him unique as opposed to the cookie cutter route he will be faced with in TN. I truly want what is best for all of us, I suppose I just need to make sure that all of us are going to stick together in whatever we do.

If it becomes just me, then I will still have to factor in the plain and simple fact that I cannot leave my son behind. What the heck am I supposed to do if we do in fact divorce?

I just feel like I am in a no win situation. I can't see myself doing the same thing I've been doing for another 25 years, but I can't force my dreams on someone else, or leave my son behind to chase my dreams.

 

[Wild Bill]

Randy my boy,
I qualify as I am well over 40 and even 50. I have placed my red light out and charter my boat. Which is not bad cause I really like to fish. That said, the only advise I can offer is be yourself (crazy or otherwise). Since you will be turning 40 this year, I will invite you to my birthday party in June. I turn 60 and my boat turns 30. Bring the missus, she won't want to miss this one. Don't sweat the small stuff, your financially sound (unlike me), you've got the time to travel and meet other nice Hatt folks (unlike me) and your replies to these posts keep me in stitches. So lighten up, be yourself, hug your wife and kid, have a Goose on your boat and enjoy what you have. I've waited my whole life to get hear and I'm fighting to keep it. But I'm a tough old bird and I don't give up. I can show you thousands who would give their right arm to have half the life either of us has had.

Kick back, relax, reflect and I'll toast you and you toast me.

When things get bad, come see me. I'll hang out my other shingle.
THE DOCTOR IS IN

 

[Freebird]

Bob ole' buddy, you guys would not know me if I was being myself on here two years ago.

First, I rarely drink, not two years ago and not now. I admittedly have consumed more alcohol since last July than I have in the previous five years combined at a minimum. That is only because I have been around new friends who like to have a few drinks. Sometimes a few drinks will loosen me up, sometimes a few drinks will put me into a deep dark hole. Truth is, I never know how I am going to react until it is too late to do anything about it. Before this past summer, my brother used to come to my house and laugh about the expiration dates on the beer in my refrigerator. Truth is, it would be the beer he bought the last time he came up from Florida.

Before coming out of that coma, I was pretty much all business and was a workaholic. Ryan had changed that to a great degree when he came along, but my illness put an end to my working as I simply did not go to work on some days, but I only found that out as Michelle revealed it to me at my visit last week with my shrink. Needless to say, my work as a one man band came to a grinding halt when I got sick and was hospitalized. It is a discomforting feeling indeed to know I have to take Michelle with me to the doctor or simply want to know what happened in my life when I basically checked out. To top it all off, there is a high likelyhood that I will relapse, and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.

I do appreciate having met you in person, and I consider you one of many members I have become personal friends with as a result of this forum. You as well as anyone can probably understand my views on the fact that tons of money is not the key to happiness. Doing something you truly enjoy is. You took a more structured and planned path in your life in that you persued a career which lead to your retirement. You had children before you were 44 years old. I have done none of the above.

Don't kid yourself about my ability to take unlimited time off. To quote my old buddy Forrest Gump, "I'm not a smart man, but I know what love is". I have come to love meeting new people and making new friends, something I have failed miserably at even though I live in the same town I have been in for most of my life since I was 8 years old. I can't afford financially to take the time I have taken to meet so many members in Florida. But I could not have afforded psychologically not to.

Taking the time to meet you, my friend, as has been the case with many others, has been time well spent.

 

[nyrussell]

Well my friend, I count in that I just turned 41, just had a kid (yikes) (first, yikes again) and almost lost my wife a few times during the past 8 years or so. Mostly due to my stupidity or lack of something I bet. Also, I just had a major career change due to injuries (torn rotator cuff (twice now (second surgeyr on the same shoulder on the 14th)) among others.

LOL, kind of hard to lift a large pot full of anything (or empty) with a really messed up shoulder. I decided to pursue the money thing right now (Wall Street ) and see in 5 years where we/I end up. Most important thing I believe rigt now is just look at the best things in your life and make them work the best you can.

LOL, ask your wife to call mine about living aboard. We took the plunge cold boat so to speak. And up in the northeast too.

Noel

 

[Eventide]

I was done posting on this site for a while, did not want to do anything but be a spectator. But Randy, your topic is too important to ignore.

Here's what's important. Here is the most vital and critical thing you can do now and in the future. Here is something that you only get one chance at and if you mess this up you will be kicking your soul into damnation all the way to your grave. You've got to MAN UP, son. You've got to MAN UP.

This means that you have to go back to Volville and raise your son. Be there for him every day of his life. Make him believe and understand that his father loves him more than life itself. The years will fly by and every night that you are not there to tell him that you love him is one more night that he will wonder where his daddy is and whether he is 'worth' his father's love.

It may not be easy to be in eastern Tennessee in the winter, knowing that you could be on a Hatt in Florida living the good life. But the price you and your son will pay if you are not by his side will be both haunting and unmeasurable. You will never get another chance at this. Ever.

His mother may not want to go off on a boat with you, she may not share your vision or dream. So what. She is the anchor for your son and you can be no less. If you can't live with her then buy the house across the street or just down the road. Living in the same house is ideal but if it is not meant to be then you can't let problems between you and your wife cause untold hurt and pain to your son.

Before you know it he will be in high school and then college. His whole self image and self confidence, indeed, his very chance at a good and complete life, are tied to what YOU do over the next 20 years or so. Do you want to take a chance on him being diminished because you had to live on a boat where the sun shines? You can't be that selfish. Are you going to hurt your only son because his mother won't follow you into the sun? You can't be that anal.

Being a good father is the very definition of unselfishness. Being there for your son and loving him every day, guiding him into becoming a fine human being is truly the highest calling you could have on this earth. It is now your life's mission. You can not take the coward's way, you can not leave, you can not fail.

You son and his future are calling you. He needs you, and he is depending on you.

Answer the call, Randy. Answer the call.

This is written by someone, regrettably, who did not answer the call. I had to live on a boat in the sunshine while my son grew up without me. It sears my heart every moment of every day, and will til I die. And my son, now grown, has suffered because of my selfishness.

 

[CARL GUZMAN]

That was a very heart felt post that took alot to say it...I hope your son knows how you feel ,and it's never too late to start over or repair the past. I hope all Fathers on here can learn from that post it sure hit deep for me ...

go newbie Eventide

 

[(Nobody You Know)]

Reggie,

take a deep breath. Take a deeeeep breath. You ain't dealing with nothing that most every other man goes through at some time or another.

Happiness vs. wealth depends on ones ability to learn to be content.

Regarding the wife (and kid), show boundless love, affection and devotion. She may be going through a crises of her own. Chances are it will work out. If not, at least you will have the satisfaction of knowing that ou gave it 110%. And then down the road it still may work out. Nobody gets by without a little pain and suffering. Nothing new. Take a deep breath. Relax. You'll be fine. Stop worrying about too much s*** all the time.

You sound like you've got a fire to put out. Maybe there are some urgencies, but it sounds like you are trying as hard as you can to "change the things you cannot change".

Take it easy pal. The Serinity Prayer works. Just not overnight. You can't control other people, but you CAN control Randy. And Randy can do positive things. No guarantees as to the outcome re. other people involved. But in the end you will be satisfied with the results.

Gawd, it's 11:20 and night and I'm thinking about cappuccino again. Gotta stick to the thread you know. Now the "Admiral" wants to know what I'm doing (again). Night all.

 

[Freebird]

Okay guys, I would really like to respond to each one of you individually, but I realize I am pressing my luck with this thread in the first place.

Thank you to the powers that be for allowing me to learn from those wiser than I am on this forum. To those wise men I just mentioned, please accept my humble and sincere thanks for your contributions. Although I have not met many of you, I would relish the opportunity to do so.

Carl my friend, I simply have to publicly address you as you were among the first of members of this forum who I met in person. You have shown me a friendship that I have come to cherish more each time we meet or speak. You have also taught me a few things about how narrow my mind was in some respects having never met someone of Cuban desent. As I have said before, although you are just as much American as any of us, I find myself looking for as many Cubans as I can find these days based on the example you and your family have shown me. You are a true friend, and I look forward to continued good times with you and your family.

I only hope I can begin to return in some small way some of the wisdom which has been afforded me by becoming a member of this group. Thanks again to all of you for allowing me to be a part of it.

Good night my friends.

 

[ThirdHatt]

Eventide, that was an excellent, heart-felt post to which I agree 100%. Randy is a stand-up guy who does not run away from a crisis. I have the utmost confidence that he will do WHATEVER it takes to make Ryan's life the very best that it can be, no matter what happens between he and Michelle. Being a good, supportive parent that is always there to lend a hand or an ear or anything a child may need is something that must be done if you have a child or children. I admire and respect all who have chosen to parent a child as I believe it is life's ultimate sacrifice.

I, on the other hand, have made the "selfish" choice. I love kids and so does my wife Melissa, we just decided long ago that we didn't need to have one of our own to feel fulfilled in our lives. We are 37 yrs old and have been together since we met as freshmen at LSU (19 years ago). She has a masters degree in education and is a reading specialist. She teaches special ed kindergardeners all day at the local public school and works with dislexic kids tutoring one-on-one after school. She gives her heart and soul every day of the week for the benefit of others' kids. If she had one of her own she would not have the energy required to help so many others' kids every school day, every year. I support her and her efforts 100%. This is how we give back to society, as opposed to adding our own to the mix.

Many of our-age friends are busy raising their kids and we love to entertain and have fun with their kids. Then we get to send them home! We feel like we get the priveledge of geing grandparents without having to pay the price of being parents first! We LOVE being Aunt and Uncle to so many kids!

Without college tuition to save for and so many other various expenses related to child rearing to deal with, we feel fortunate that we can enjoy more/larger boats and more time to spend on them much earlier in life than if we had children. It works for us, but so many people still ask us not "Are" but "WHEN are" you going to have kids! People ASSUME that you MUST have a child to have fulfillment in your life and marriage. This is where I have a problem. Just because most will have kids (and should) it does NOT mean that ALL happily married couples should have kids. I think they just want us to share in their misery!LOL

To those who have children, I applaud you as you have made the ultimate sacrifice. To those that are brave enough to endure what life has to offer without children, I say HOORAY! More power to you and don't succumb to the pressure unless you truly feel that you are willing to give up 20+ years of your life to make your little person the best that he/she can be. Anything less is unacceptable. While children are for most, they are NOT for everyone and that's okay.

Just my $.02.

 

[CARL GUZMAN]

Randy thanks for making me feel all mushy inside it's nice that I meet you on this site and we have become good friends ( but don't ask me to say that on other sites ) now you got some left over mushyness for Sky and Eric? I think they sure can use it about now

Thirdhat you let the cat out of the bag you may not have a child but your wife sure does now we know how you guys got together ,she's the care giver and your the big kid

 

[Freebird]

Randy thanks for making me feel all mushy inside it's nice that I meet you on this site and we have become good friends ( but don't ask me to say that on other sites) now you got some left over mushyness for Sky and Eric? I think they sure can use it about now

Thirdhat you let the cat out of the bag you may not have a child but your wife sure does now we know how you guys got together ,she's the care giver and your the big kid

ROFLOL!!!! That remark about Byron was priceless, that is unless of course Byron thinks his wife has a child she has kept a secret all this time! Around here, you never know about things like that! (LET ME CLARIFY THAT LAST ONE!! I was referring to misunderstandings of statements!) Hell Carl, I didn't know you had that it you! That would have been much funnier if I had said it!

Hey, I am very much a kiss and make up kind of guy, and I have little doubt that Sky or SeaEric would (NOT) oops! disappoint me, or me them, if we actually met in person. I have exchanged friendly PM's with both of them, and a couple of not so friendly PM's with SeaEric. Sky, I'm ready to put this thing to rest any time you are. SeaEric, sorry Bubba, but I still think you are an arrogant ass, but I am more than willing and able to have my perception of you change for the better. I'm sure you are a good guy, just like 99.9% of the forum members are.

Nice job Carl. Now tell me why the heck you don't want anybody else on those other forums to know that you love me?

 

[Freebird]

Eventide, that was an excellent, heart-felt post to which I agree 100%. Randy is a stand-up guy who does not run away from a crisis. I have the utmost confidence that he will do WHATEVER it takes to make Ryan's life the very best that it can be, no matter what happens between he and Michelle. Being a good, supportive parent that is always there to lend a hand or an ear or anything a child may need is something that must be done if you have a child or children. I admire and respect all who have chosen to parent a child as I believe it is life's ultimate sacrifice.

I, on the other hand, have made the "selfish" choice. I love kids and so does my wife Melissa, we just decided long ago that we didn't need to have one of our own to feel fulfilled in our lives. We are 37 yrs old and have been together since we met as freshmen at LSU (19 years ago). She has a masters degree in education and is a reading specialist. She teaches special ed kindergardeners all day at the local public school and works with dislexic kids tutoring one-on-one after school. She gives her heart and soul every day of the week for the benefit of others' kids. If she had one of her own she would not have the energy required to help so many others' kids every school day, every year. I support her and her efforts 100%. This is how we give back to society, as opposed to adding our own to the mix.

Many of our-age friends are busy raising their kids and we love to entertain and have fun with their kids. Then we get to send them home! We feel like we get the priveledge of geing grandparents without having to pay the price of being parents first! We LOVE being Aunt and Uncle to so many kids!

Without college tuition to save for and so many other various expenses related to child rearing to deal with, we feel fortunate that we can enjoy more/larger boats and more time to spend on them much earlier in life than if we had children. It works for us, but so many people still ask us not "Are" but "WHEN are" you going to have kids! People ASSUME that you MUST have a child to have fulfillment in your life and marriage. This is where I have a problem. Just because most will have kids (and should) it does NOT mean that ALL happily married couples should have kids. I think they just want us to share in their misery!LOL

To those who have children, I applaud you as you have made the ultimate sacrifice. To those that are brave enough to endure what life has to offer without children, I say HOORAY! More power to you and don't succumb to the pressure unless you truly feel that you are willing to give up 20+ years of your life to make your little person the best that he/she can be. Anything less is unacceptable. While children are for most, they are NOT for everyone and that's okay.

Just my $.02.

Thanks for the contribution Byron, my friend.

Just a little unsolicited advice to you and your wife. It sounds to me like you two have done quite enough to take care of other people's children and other people's problems. If you both are content, then I am happy for you. But I fear you two are missing out on one of God's greatest gifts, a child or children of your own.

I wanted to have children ever since I can remember. For whatever reason, God chose for this not to happen until I was 44 years old. You guys are still young and have plenty of time. My suggestion is to go for it! Either that or simply borrow a little kid for a long week-end and sea trial him!

Seriously, my life has been turned upside down so many times, I have simply lost count of personal disappointments. Michelle often accused me of living in the past, but I told her until Ryan came along, my present was my past. I had done the same thing, day after day, for almost 24 years before he came along. Before that time, I simply had no measure of time as my life never changed before he came along. Hell, I would not be able to tell you when my illness took me over, or when it subsided, if it were not for him.

I know I am rambling, but that is a side effect of what has happened to me. Believe it or not, I was never a talker before I became ill only to be reborn last July. I had basically given up on my marriage to Michelle due to the simple fact she offered no hope whatsoever that she had any interest in saving it. Quite the opposite as a matter of fact. I will never understand where all that hatred and bitterness came from. Truth is, I had come to the point where I myself was going to file for divorce as I simply could not take it any more. Then, on the Thursday night after the Miami show, I received a forwarded email my mother (you don't even want to know) with a heartbreaking story which happened in a small community very close to where I live.

A three year old boy and his dog were found dead under the child's bed due to a fire in their home. The father was also found dead after having tried to rescue his son. I immediately began to cry as I thought of my three year old son who has just gotten his first puppy, "Dozer", a Golden Retriever my wife got him to take my place.

I calmed myself and immediately picked up the phone and called Michelle. I DEMANDED she take some time to speak with me in person last Saturday. She reluctantly agreed, and I cancelled plans to meet with more of you, and I headed to TN early Friday morning.

She and I are now working together to try and salvage our marriage and more importantly the future of our son. We have a long hard road ahead, but I am going to try my best, and will accept no less than the same from her.

In short, Byron, you and the misses have some work to do! Don't make me come to LA because you know I will!

Take care my friend, and I look forward to meeting you, your wife, and your child someday soon!

 

[eclipsarkanna]

First of all a big thumbs up to Randy for being creative enough and sincere enough to open up publicly on this thread to say things that many of us want to say, but just don't do it (because we are guys). A second thumbs up to E-tide for a phenomenal response and support note. I am almost 60 and have made a LOT of bad choices in my life and it took me a very long time to figure out what was important in life to me and unfortunately I figured things out just a little too late. My world started coming unravelled with 9/11 (I was on a plane going from Toronto to Bermuda at around the very sad time - our flight left Toronto at 8:20 am and you can figure out where our flight was at around 9 am). We were ordered down to land in the Norfolk airforce base and there we sat for 4 days. I was fully margined on a high tech portfolio with only 33 percent of my money in. I lost about 60% of our life savings, my wife came unglued and our marriage started unravelling and then in 2003 she finally just couldn't face me and gave me the boot. We are very good friends but just too much bad history. I also worked my ass off as a workaholic for 33 years in a BS profession and missed a lot of seeing my oldest and middle sons grow up (I would get on a plane and fly in to see an important hockey game or whatever but that doesn't do it). Happily, I finallly realized (far too late but better late than not at all) that the working world is absolute and utter crap and I have quit despite good money, easy money blah blah. I have been spending every waking moment for the past 4 years of batchelorhood with my 2 sons and my daughter. I live for those kids and they really appreciate my time and they have told me it is never too late to wake up. They fully support me "dropping out" and although they were not keen initially of my idea to buy a large boat (I guess I am supposed to say Yacht but that sounds too silver spoon for me since I started out as a truck driver and then the mistake of a long road into the snakepit called "liarying" and now I am going back to truck driving - you meet a better class of person in the truck driving world), they are now embracing the concept (as long as they each get a stateroom with their name on the door!!). Enough of my rambling as this thread is not about me but about Randy - a super guy even though I haven't met him but I will, whether he likes it or not. As I have told Randy in PMs - do whatever it takes to try and patch the marriage but in any event live for your son and you will never regret one single moment.

Thumbs up to everyone else who logged on to Randy's thread to show support and I for one say that a forum should be whatever anyone wants to say. If its a subject nobody likes, no need to log on and respond right. No rules on what a thread should or shouldn't be.

By the way, all you guys are mere young puppies and have a lifetime in years ahead of you. I seem to be the "old guy" at 59.

Bill

 

[Freebird]

Bill, despite wanting to respond in my typical bi-polar way, I will make this short and sweet.

I appreciate everything you just said publicly and even more the things you have said in private. No need to threaten a face to face meeting, I'm free as a bird you know, and I have no problem tracking people down who I want to meet. Sometimes it just takes a little longer than I would like.

In short, thank you, God bless you, and PLEASE buy my 58TC!

 

[eclipsarkanna]

Birdman:

Look on the bright side. After I get my long wished for 53ED, just think of the jabs that you can throw at me - at 59 year old with ED parked on an ED. Very appropriate right - save the 58TC owners from a similar fate in both departments, I will hear endlessly.