C'mon. Bird, I want to hear about how that lawyer managed to hit you right in the hand with his jaw, that time.

Friend of mine in PA (Carlisle) just finished restoring a Gheenoe- loves it. His kids love it, too.
Well, since you're a moderator and you asked...
Long story short, after being in the courthouse for a little over ten hours before our case was heard (temporary parenting plan filed by the ex) after being there at 9AM, I watched a very "interesting" display from the ex and her attorney. I mean it was awesome as I got to see her entire war chest!
Her attorney (on the clock since 8AM whereas mine was local and there for other cases) irritated the judge to the point that it was almost comical. He kept reminding her we weren't there for a divorce, and the only thing he wanted to hear about were things directly related to the welfare of our son.
The ex took the stand first and proceeded to reveal some very interesting facts, complete with color bar graphs! I really should have asked for those after everything was over as they were quite impressive. She's an MBA and is very good at presentations... had a pointer and everything. I'll skip the details, given this is a public forum, but let's just say that I couldn't believe she said what she did, in color, right there in front of God and everybody. My attorney certainly enjoyed it, and I'm pretty sure the judge's eyes crossed. It garnered a, bless your heart, from yours truly as I sat there and shook my head in stunned disbelief. Hey, at least she told the truth. Let's just say it had something to do with our wedding vows and let it go at that.
After she finished, my attorney said to me, "Get up there and let's get this over with". He asked how long I had owned by business along with a couple of other things related to my son. After my last answer, her attorney stood up and blurted out, "I think I'm going to be sick". I looked at her as did the judge and my attorney, all of us with puzzled looks on our faces as she sat back down and took her seat. I mean I personally thought my answers were pretty good.
Nothing more was said, and my attorney asked me another question. Before I could answer, she stood up again and told the judge she thought she may be ill. The judge asked if she needed medical attention and she responded that she wasn't sure, but she said she felt a little dizzy, and my attorney looked a little fuzzy. It was all I could do not to bust out laughing when my attorney responded with, "You're fine. I always look like that."
I left the stand and took a seat beside my attorney as we awaited the ambulance which could be heard in the distance. I leaned in toward him and quietly asked, "I take it this is a first for you?"
He responded (not as quietly as I think he intended), "Ah, I've seen people fake illness before". That's when the ex's attorney gave him a quick, Exorcist-like head spin and the best, go to hell look, I've ever seen on a woman who wasn't looking in my direction. My attorney then said, "Oh, I wasn't implying that was the case here".
At that point I excused myself to the restroom as to avoid laughing out loud in that courtroom! Yes, I walked (quickly) into that restroom and started laughing my ass off at how these proceedings had... proceeded. When I walked back into the courtroom, the EMT's were loading up the wife's attorney onto a gurney. No, I didn't laugh (on the outside), but the expression on my now defenseless, wife's face was priceless as her attorney was being wheeled out of the building . The judge addressed her by saying it was obvious we couldn't continue what she had started, and if she wanted to try again after her attorney was feeling better, she could. Meanwhile we were directed to do what we had been doing for some six months at that point, and that was to maintain equal time with our son.
In the spirit of this thread, I suppose all this could be related to shipwreck, but the ex and I survived (along with her attorney who fired her) and never entered another courtroom again. Gotta love a happy ending.
