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After a lifetime of experience, I'm starting to question this one. Most @$kholes don't actually do the exact opposite. They just make the same mistake they were going to make in the first place. They were only seeking affirmation for their misguided ideas and ignored whatever didn't meet their...

And petrified.

I've never been a fan of calling a transmission a tranny. It just seemed derogatory to transmissions.

Pollinate and aviate.

I never realized that Detroit and Hell were separate. Learn something new every day.

Yacht?

In my legal opinion,... they haven't got a leg to stand on.

Must. Not. Nerd. Up. Thread.... Ahhh F it. I can't help myself. Peanuts aren't nuts.

Broke lights. They was broke. Past tense.

You wouldn't have his business card, would you?

Looks like it belongs on the hood of a Pontiac. Or maybe an Owlsmobile.

Glow plugs would be near the fuel injectors. Follow the lines from the pump and look for something like this. The two pieces connected by the black wire are glowplugs.:

Nothing surprises me here.

It's not often one gets to trot out bagpipe jokes. Q: What is the difference between an onion and a set of bagpipes? A: Nobody cries when you cut up a set of bagpipes.

Go ahead and blame spell check, but I think the phrase is "too ripe."

You have to know the context, but if you do....

More aimed at the meme than you, but you get the idea.

Says a guy who's never had a colonoscopy.