Cabin Fever

[Bob Bradley]

That's my excuse anyway. Feel free to delete if your sensitivities are offended...





No sex since 1955...



A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major and asked, 'Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very Serious man. Is something bothering you?'


'Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature.'

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, ''It looks like you have seen a lot of action?''


''Yes, ma'am, a lot of action.'


The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, 'You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself.'

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, 'You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?' '

'1955,' he replied.



'Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out. I mean, no sex since 1955!



She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to 'relax' him several times.



Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, 'Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955.'




The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch,

'I hope not; it's only 2130 now.'

[Freeebird]

I am deeply offended. Have any more?

[Freeebird]

On a more serious note, I had a friend post this on our little boating forum a few days ago...

Time is like a river. You cannot touch the water twice, because the flow that has passed will never pass again. Enjoy every moment of life. As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Nova Scotia back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions.

I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late.

I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play. The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man.

And as I played "Amazing Grace", the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished, I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head was hung low, my heart was full.

As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen anything like that before, and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."

Apparently, I'm still lost....it's a man thing.