Dexcool cocktail party last night!!

[(Nobody You Know)]

Complete with hang over and all to!

This morning I had my 4th colonoscopy. No, I’m not in love, but it wasn’t bad at all. The worst part was having to drink 4 liters of “Caterpillar engine coolant” in about two hours. Well, yea. After coming dangerous close to running out of toilet paper last night I re-read what was on the frigin container this morning: “polyethylene glycol”! Hell I guess for the time this stuff was in my system I stood little chance of over heating? It used to be called Dexcool until I think Caterpillar bought it from GM.

All this took place because on last August 31 I had bowel surgery. (I guess that I won the “Charlie Freeman” award for blowing a holiday weekend). Making a long story short, We were visiting close friends on Long Island when I came off a golf course that Sunday with stomach cramps. That evening I was being wheeled into OR at the North Shore Long Island Jewish Hospital in Manasses. An internal hernia cost me 48” of intestine. And at a time when our hosts had purchased box seat tickets to the US Tennis Opening!! My life is full of bad timing incidents like this. Fortunately my wife and our hosts got to see some of the matches.

Fast forward to November I went for a physical and, wouldn’t you know it, minute amounts of blood turned up on the litmus following the ole prostate exam. (Guys you should always try and find a woman MD for this, they just about always have smaller fingers!) This immediately resulted in an appointment with the Gastro guy.

Well, drinking that antifreeze last night was the only hard part of the entire ordeal. The directions on the container are the same for big guys (and 143 lbs me). Consume all that s--t in 8oz. glass cocktails in 10 minute intervals. It took me about 2 hours to consume 3/4 of this stuff when literally I could not swallow another drop. Of course I was on the throne till late and again a couple more in the middle of the night.

The Gastro MD had prescribed both the a colonO and an EGD (throat exam), (It was a great relief to learn that they use a different instrument for the EGD - or not using the same thing to go all the way up! LOL). When the nurse activated the knock out drip I was completely out for the “hole” procedure.

Now that everything is “behind” me it’s nice to know that things went well and nothing of concern was found. And by the way, shortly after surgery last August I started walking a much as I could. Three weeks ago I was able to get back to jogging a little – something I did regularly right up until last August 28.

On a closing note I must say that through it all it was a relatively painless procedure. The thought and fear of what takes place is worse than what actually takes place.

Have a nice day now!

[Sparky1]

Glad everything came out OK Bill!

I'm probably going to have one of those myself as part of my 50K mile service that I should have done on my last birthday. Sounds like loads of fun.

[Passages]

Uh,,,BILL...Thanks for sharing that...
Guys, listen to the man...seek out small fingered female doctors. (Don't ask)

Kidding aside, It's good you can laugh about a potentially serious health issue.

[krush]

The jokes about me being an old man-----maybe in attitude, but at least I don't gotta get probed like ye old farts yet!

[Boatsb]

We can arrange that for you Krush.

[Maynard Rupp]

No need to probe Krush...Some would say he is a perfect; oh well, you get the idea.

[Sparky1]

The jokes about me being an old man-----maybe in attitude, but at least I don't gotta get probed like ye old farts yet!

They'll probably need an extra gallon of Dexcool when your time comes as we all know how full of sh*t you are.

[Bob Bradley]

Not sure of the orgin of this, but it's a good read:

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a Colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis .

Then Andy explained the Colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'

I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America 's enemies.

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my Colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor.

Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose watery bowel movement may result.'

This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground. MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.

After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.

The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.

At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other Colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by Abba. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' has to be the least appropriate. 'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than decade.

If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like. I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, Abba was shrieking 'Dancing Queen! Feel the beat from the tambourine ...'.. and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood.

Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that it was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.

[(Nobody You Know)]

Men's Health Magazine???

No, here it is:

http://www.scribd.com/doc/4895047/My...-by-Dave-Barry

[holtcl]

LOL at all these wonderful anecdotes! This is great material.

In all seriousness, as person working in the area of trying to urge people to get these important screenings, I appreciate the sharing of stories, which encourages others to go and get it done too. Colorectal cancer is the only cancer that is actually PREVENTABLE by removal of pre-cancerous polyps, IF people get screened according to the recommendations.

Here's an anecdote from the Captain's "procedure"- while the stuff that you have to drink may be awful, at least we were able to save the bottle the stuff came in for use in the engine room- we keep bilge cleaner in ours! It actually looks about the same color as the "potion" did- no speculation on the taste though!

At any rate, thanks for the stories...hope to read some more.